Dear Sticky Wicket,
I am dating an Italian man. Is it true that men from this culture are patriarchal and why is this so? Is this less pronounced in men who were raised in America? I saw a story on "60 Minutes" that said men born and raised in Italy are so old-fashioned, Italian women don't want to marry them.
~Cautious In New York
Dear Cautious,
Rosanna Imbriano, the director of the Center for Italian and Italian American Culture, said that it is true that Italian American men come from a patriarchal culture. Based in Cedar Grove, NJ, the Center's mission is to, "promote and preserve the culture of Italians and Italian Americans." The Center for Italian and Italian American Culture also hosts events that highlight the contributions of Italian Americans to the fields of arts, literature, sports, business, politics, and contemporary culture.
"If you look back on most European societies the emphasis was on the family, and having the men as head of the household," Imbriano says. "I do believe that you continue to have that in the culture today."
Imbriano adds that patriarchal attitudes tend to wane as Italian Americans blend into mainstream American culture. "When people migrate they try to assimilate the values," Imbriano says.
Imbriano explains that it is true that Italian women, who are born and raised in Italy, tend to be reluctant to marry Italian men. "If you look at the statistics, the birth rate in Italy is very low," she says. "Italian mothers tend to cater to their children." She says that modern women can feel overwhelmed by the pressure of being expected to run a household and work full time.
Many American women would be surprised at the level of sexism in the Italian culture. Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, has gotten into trouble for several statements that would be perceived as sexist in the United States. He was criticized by Italian female legislators for saying that American companies should move to Italy "because the secretaries are prettier."
Cheril Vendetti, a stand-up comic and food show host, explains that when her mother visited Italy, she noticed that men still pinch women's behinds. "But now the girls pinch back," Vendetti adds.
Imbriano said that like women from other cultures, Italian women are faced with the task of working full time and also coming home to the full-time job of being a homemaker. Imbriano, a modern woman who runs her own company, RI Consulting, explains that working mothers almost have to be "superwoman." Imbriano has been an entrepreneur since she was 21 and first opened her own health spa. She has also won several New Jersey business awards.
Italian women are adapting to the changing expectations of modern-day society. "Change is sometimes very hard," Imbriano says. "They (women) do have a lot of pressure. We have to rethink what is the norm. The norm now is women need to make an income, so everyone can survive. The biggest challenge Italian women, and women of other cultures face, is a work-life balance."
Vendetti has a more humorous take on the Italian American family dynamic. She thinks that women still run the home, but let the men think they are in charge.
"They (Italian men) think they are very patriarchal and act that way because the Italian woman wants them to think that," Vendetti said. "But the bottom line is the Italian women rule the roast and the check book. My mother use to say to us kids 'just agree with your father and we'll all get out of here alive!'"